currently listening to: Godspeed you black emporer!
mood: Subtle depression with highlights of anxiety (the usual)!

well i finally made my choice. the friendship ive had for over a year has been ended. we parted on the the terms that this wouldnt be indefinite but that was my view, what there thinking is no longer my concern.

It happened last wednesday. The sunday before was the first time id seen them in a week but after that night it was too hard for me to go on being around them. we'd been through heaps together but it was just to wierd and uncumfortable. Im choosing to leave the details vauge because its too personal and it would be rude to my friend. Im sure you'll see it when i make a movie about it. I tired to keep a smile but it was getting more and more hard everytime i saw them. So the initial goodbye was sent wednesday with the explainations and the so longs on saturday, Saturday its the saturday. id dona a shit from 5 in the afternoon to 4 the next morning on friday. so i was fairly tired when she took back her stuff and drove away, she had to get to work like always. all i could do was watch from behind the flyscreen in my sleeping bag. i had to get out the house so droped by my mates house who just happens to be her new thing. this was all well and fine until left and started to think about everything. it reminded me why i had to end things the pain was to strong i have a lot of jealousy issues i have to deal with and i cant do it with them around. games of promises. emptied. there was a trust that was lost with them aswell, the only was i see of us getting it back is if i turn blind again and as ignorently joyfull as that is its something i dont want to go back too. it makes you fell like you loose a portion of your independence aswell when you blindly put your love, faith, lust or whatever it is into someone. with you i have strength even if you dont care. And as much as it hurts me now knowing we arent close i would of only be doing myself more harm if i stayed blind being led by the blind. this also brings up alot of issues of trust which if i ever want to keep a friendship i have to learn.